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hell yeah!!!! i love being wrong!! well the 'qualm' has been fixed and the problem i thought was gonna be the same as 'd' isnt, wohoo! yeah so fuck it i love j and Everything between us is fucking great..hehe..yayCurrent Mood: dorky Current Music: caffeine kill - shedding skin |
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well i made my decision..i went with my heart....(excuse me whilst i puke)...and now well...im happy but things are far from peachy...i quit my job cause being a verbal punchbag isnt exactly my idea of fun, so im still looking for one now. i love, so very much, j, but i have my 'qualms' over that and im thinking honestly its gonna take a while to see what happens with that as i feel that i might be seeing a re-occuring problem with what happened with d. but its a great feeling to feel so strongly for someone.Current Mood:  anxious |
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i really cant spell...so as always life seems to come to a cross roads and your left wondering whether you will make the right decision, based on past decisions im just slightly worried but as one of my house mates put it, dont think ahead. good plan. |
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my week has been hectic...work is sooo horrible at the moment everyone is stressed and i seem to yet again be a verbal punch bag lol nooooooo but saturday was good fun...
i did a stilt walking gig on oxford st, london, 2 hours for 100 pound! was really fun though, it was my first time and i was dressed as rudolph the raindeer haha, i thought it would be really embarrassing but the costume fitted really well and i had some cute sequinned antlers...as soon as i was on the street i didnt get to really walk anywhere though cause everyone ran over and wanted pictures taken!! there were photagraphers there too lol didnt feel so lame after that but now my feet are killing me!! oh and men kept pinchin me ass!! hehe was fun though....ppl in japan have a picture of me, it feels wierd but cool!!Current Mood:  bouncy Current Music: bbc news...oh yeah im hard core |
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???
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Nov. 13th, 2005 @ 02:42 am
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so its been a month now..lets see whats happened? erm...not a lot! oh yeah i learned to walk on stilts so thats another useless trade i can add to my cv.
oh yeah and why, passing no judgements, do so many of the population smoke dope? i dont get it! again passing no judgements cause if you wanna do it then its your life and ive done it in my life but what? is it compulsory now? every house i move into everyones stoned? even the oldies are doin it! i feel like a fraggle!! (or that scientist mupet on the muppet show, you know the one that does nothing but squeek)...and if theyre not stoned then ppl are drunk and if theyre not drunk them ppl are doing lines off of mirrors! what the hell is goin on?!! hey heres a scary idea for you, just as a crazy experiment, now hear me out, what if...you went out and...nobody screwed them selves up?!! Woahoo!! crazy or what!! i mean can you image the carnage?!!!Current Mood:  weird Current Music: i've just discovered the joys of soberhood |
| » edinburgh |
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just came back from edinburgh...and managed to sort out four years of stupidity and craziness in one afternoon...he he cool. Thank you Jamie four putting up with my mixed messages and f**king wierdness for four years and at the end of it still hugging me and saying i look GOOOD (lol) to you when women are throwing them selves at your feet and forgiving me for being so strange, thank you for being there after all of that...liebe dich bob!!
Sep. 26th, 2005 @ 09:51 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Pinched from weetobix
Seven things in your room:
1. bed
2. all the faffy girlie sturff
3. inscense
4. broke guitar
5. chair (with clothes on)
6. books
7. cd's/cd player
Top seven things you say most:
1. erm
2. what?!!
3. huh?
4. no!
5. im hungry
6. du gist jetz auf meine nerfen! (spelt wrong)
7. really!?
Seven Things You Can't Live Without:
1. metal..sad but true, keeps me from hurting ppl lol
2. bratwurst
3. phone
4. hugs...what?!! i have a weak side!!
5. veg
6. exercise and attempting to calm myself down
7. the knowing that it IS possible to move forward
SEVEN THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. tour germany
2. travel the world
3. develop some kind of compassion cause im really havin trouble with that around you mugs lol!
4. Learn german fluently
5. learn chi kung and be good at it
6. sounds girly and sad but bag that big guy some day
7. be in a movie about an insane asylem - oh come on you know it would be fun!!(oh and learn to spell)
SEVEN OTHER THINGS;
Do You Smoke? No only on weekends but is happening less and less
Do you do drugs? No but wont lie i have done
Read the newspaper? metro, every lunchtime, full of s**t
Pray? no but meditate when i can sit my hyper ass down
Have a Job? Yes
Attend Church? no
Wish on stars? No they're already dead, very sad.
Have you ever:
Gone skinny dipping? yeah when i was 15 lol oops
Had surgery? yep - yeah, on my neck! why??!
Swam in the dark? yeah
Been to a Bonfire? yeah
Ran away from home? yeah
Played strip poker? yeah
Pulled an all niter? too many
SEVEN THINGS IN LAST 24 HOURS; have you...
Cried? no
Sang? yes
Been kissed? no
Felt stupid? yes
Talked to an ex? yes
Missed someone? yes
Jul. 8th, 2005 @ 10:59 pm
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| » heres for you lucy |
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control freaks do not make the world go round.
Jun. 29th, 2005 @ 01:07 pm
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| » hmm has this worked? |
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Official Survivor
Congratulations! You scored 75%! |
| Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive. |
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My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
ah thats not as good as i wanted!!! though his legs are nice and brown lol
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You scored higher than 40% on survivalpoints |
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Jun. 13th, 2005 @ 12:50 pm
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| » mm bratwurst!! |
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been ill and rob looked after me... i couldnt have more respect for the guy, hes so sweet... just cant have a proper relationship with him, wish i could explain more detail to him why not but still fighting in my own head the reasons why.
me and taz bought sliming pills today and then taz tried to get the ginger out of my head, with no success( i love her, shes sooo sweet). I dont know why its gone ginger, has never been ginger before but i guess thats my penalty for trying to go back to blonde. the sliming pills? well im desperate, and yeah i guess it all started with dave and now i have such a complex, poor rob who keeps saying he loves my body now feels like his opinion is not good enough which is really unfair. In all truth i liked dave and the raw fact is; you cant be with someone you care about knowing they're not satisfied with you, and you cant be with anyone when your having issues with your own level of satisfaction over your own body.
lol im just gonna loose as much weight as possible (dont mind me im just having a rant on my own vanity) and finally try to find my big german man who i know is out there somewhere...jurgen where are you lmao!!!!!
Jun. 4th, 2005 @ 07:11 pm
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| » eh |
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well things are slow, nothing more to put really, changed jobs, thats cool, am going back up to newcastle on my course(chi kung) every now and gain which is cool again, would really like to do more with the music but nothing seems to be happening so eh what can you do?
May. 9th, 2005 @ 06:18 pm
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| » my IQ... |
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The Classic IQ Test
What's Your IQ?
Congratulations, Jill!
Your IQ score is 117
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.
Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.
wha ha ha!!! and its sunday!!! methinks the huge amounts of red wine in my systems helped me out there a bit, two nights in a row not good..dehydration (spelt wrong ironically) bad..must get to water...hum'enuh hum'enuh, hum'enuh..thats for you dave lol!!
Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 12:44 pm
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| » mwah ha ha!! |
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Sorceror
You scored 27 Holy, 38 Tactful, 52 Natural, and 55 Arcane! |
| If you ever take the time to explore your potential you will have one of the greatest magical reservoirs at your fingertips. You interact with the world using your keen intuition, though often you find yourself to be unable to adapt to situations that you haven't handled before. You can be reckless, and I would translate this into real world advice with the caution not to play with fire... ever. Of course, given that you're in a world where monsters are coming for ya, go for it... just not near me. Oh, and I don't care how good you are at it, don't ever summon anything... you'll probably muck it up and end up unleasing a daemon or something... and no, you probably can't take one. |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 21% on Godliness |
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You scored higher than 14% on Tact |
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You scored higher than 15% on Harmony |
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You scored higher than 70% on Arcane |
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Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 12:17 pm
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| » crazy girl!! |
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please if everyone did this we'd all be something crazy or another! you cant win!!
Apr. 3rd, 2005 @ 04:30 pm
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| » i thought i was inncocent!! |
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The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Apr. 3rd, 2005 @ 04:27 pm
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| » bizarre |
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well arnt we strange little humans...emotional walking time bombs methinks!
sat here at work trying to not to get annoyed at each caller as, well, they're not doing anything wrong! but have this horrible energy inside of me that just wants to blow up at them..partly for calling such stupid mundane lines on a sunday and partly is purely my fault for getting so easily aggravated.
how do you control it??
the tinyest things annoys me...like the person calling, you going through the script and then the long pause until they finally loudly say "hello?" then you have to through it again..then they ignore what you've just said anyway and start with the line "right. what i want to know is...."
...or the caller who who is calling on behalf of someone else and that other person is sat next to them repeating the information...
...or ofcourse the people who shout down the phone at you, or those who ask the most complicated questions about the line and then get stupidly frustrated for a sunday at the fact that this is just a brochure request line...
...now the joke is on me because these are not complicated issues, they are not even stressful issues, infact they're not even a big deal, just a couple of callers...
...so why do they irrate me so much?? im sure they never used to, i dont remember them ever annoying me so why now?
maybe its the realization that here in the west we have got so much unnecessary junk clogging up our lives and its only now that im really starting to notice. i can see why people live in caves lol!
Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 01:22 pm
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| » wow |
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lifes fine. still in debt but tis cool, relations with people are good, health is good....lol i have nothing to complain about!!!! wow. been doing lots of meditation and chi kung again, got really intense the other night felt like i was on the ceiling...and there were no drugs used!...so yeah things are cool....just wish i could help rob more
Mar. 16th, 2005 @ 03:00 am
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| » getting closer |
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so i think im gettin closer to the end of this phase of self destructive insanity i decided to put my self on after newcastle went so tragically wrong.
have been spending endless hour in deep conversation with rob after he admitted that he didnt feel uncomfortable around me but that sifu had told him that if he does spend time with me then hes not allowed to make it easy for me??!!! anyway things between us are good which is great cause its never nice when you not getting on with ppl.
cut down on the coffee, cut down on the drink and everything else lately and its really making a difference...you can love the music without screwing yourself up you know. acctually got up this morning with enough time to have breakfast and whilst i walked through bedmo on my way to work for the first time didnt storm through muttering curse words at all the down and out buildings and at the drunks stumbling along the road..at half 8 in the morning!!
Mar. 6th, 2005 @ 01:58 pm
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| » beat myself up mode |
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well i finally get myself sorted and everyone else decideds theyre gonna screw themselves up as much as possible. note to self, stop getting emotionally involved with everyone you do music with...it's never had a good outcome in the end...it never will. im pissed off at myself...
take my vanity away...take my need to be found attractive by big men away...take the fact that it bothers me when plans are cancelled away...take my sad pathetic need for men in my life away...take my flirting away..take my inability to have a good night or day without flirting away...take the fact that a comment to the thighs pisses me off all day...take my insecurities away...give me back my friends if only they'd stay.
Mar. 5th, 2005 @ 04:20 pm
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| » ok cool |
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ok, cool. things are finally on the rise. well as far as mental stability goes. aparentely bananas are good cause they make your brain happy lol!!
got home last night and went on a cleaning frenzy, then went on a guitar playin frenzy, then sorted all my paper work out...way too much lyrics..they really need sorting.
ppl keep comenting on the hair at work..ha ha.
Mar. 3rd, 2005 @ 12:59 am
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alchemistchic's journal
